WORST-CASE SCENARIO

Summerfest Survival Tips

By JAMES H. BURNETT III jburnett@journalsentinel.com, Journal Sentinel

Friday, July 4, 2003

You've heard of the "Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook"?

How to escape an alligator attack. How to survive an avalanche. How to negotiate a peaceful settlement with a swarm of killer bees? Kidding about that last one.

But while you may have had smooth sailing in your previous trips to the world's biggest music festival, brace yourself. This is the start of Summerfest's last weekend.

The crowds will be bigger, the lines longer, the demand for booze more urgent, and with our luck, the heat more intense. As per that great lawmaker Murphy: If something can go wrong, it probably will.

So take a few minutes and read the tips supplied by Patrice Harris, Summerfest marketing and public relations director, on what to do and where to go if something goes wrong and needs fixin' while you're there.

RELIEF

It's been said the quickest way to get from point to point is a straight line. But when it comes to bathrooms, the one in front of you doesn't always have the shortest line. Look around. You'll be relieved to find more options.

-- Don't wait until you have to go badly to try to find a bathroom.

-- If you're at Summerfest for a concert and you don't mind missing your favorite group's most popular song, consider dashing off to the nearest bathroom just as the concert starts. We hear bathroom lines get longer right before the start of a concert and right after the opening song is over.

During that first song though, bathroom lines are apparently thinner. Few people like to miss the start of a show. And many will jump out of line to catch that first tune.

-- Don't forget there have been some changes on the Summerfest grounds. Near the Marcus Amphitheater, there is a new bank of bathrooms. There is another new set of bathrooms between the Potawatomi and Piggly Wiggly stage areas, and the Charmin' bank of bathrooms is set up on the south end of the park, by the North Shore Bank Landing Stage.

-- Don't ignore the Porta Pottis. And just because they're mobile, don't snub 'em. Lines tend to be shorter at Porta Pottis because people assume they're dirty and people tend to gravitate toward what they're used to: bathrooms in fixed, permanent buildings.

Porta Potti enclaves we recommend? In the South Pavilion on the north side of the Water Street Brewery building, in the Gardens Pavilion by Millie's and Pitch's, and on the mid-grounds, between the Harley-Davidson Roadhouse and the Big Back Yard.

-- If it's your toddler's relief you're worried about, all of the bathrooms are equipped with baby-changing stations. And if you're a nursing mom caught in the middle of the grounds during feeding time, a new "family bathroom" has been added just inside the Mid-Gate.

REST

Ever heard the phrase "them dogs are barkin' "? If not, the "dogs" are tired feet. And the "bark" represents painful throbbing. If you need to get off yours, consider this:

-- Getting in a fight over that needle-in-a-haystack empty table is not worth it. And finding seats in a crowded dining or rest area can be as much a matter of chance as roulette. If you want to sit for a while, during daytime hours trek to the Marcus Amphitheater. In the forecourt of the theater is a bank of bench seats and tables that are hardly ever packed. While there, rest your brain by taking in some tunes from the nearby Legends Stage.

-- From noon to 7 p.m. at the Mobile Skate Park on the South End of the grounds, you'll find plenty of open seats in the park's elevated bleachers. And you might even learn a little about skateboarding and the kids who risk their necks performing those ramp and rail tricks.

-- From noon to 4 p.m. in the Harley pavilion, there is a new second-level seating/dining area above the Wong's Wok and Venice Club eateries. Harris says there are plenty of good seats on the upper deck, and with the roof over it, you can get a little respite from the sun.

-- If you want to get closer to nature, stroll to the lakefront and sit on the rocks along the shoreline. Or survey the Summerfest kingdom from the sky and rest your feet at the same time by riding the Sky Glider.

SAFETY & EMERGENCIES

Being safe doesn't just involve not having your purse snatched. It means not drinking too much, not drinking and driving, not getting lost, not losing personal items and not getting injured. But if you've been unable to avoid one or more of these situations, this is for you:

-- If you sprain your ankle or trip and scrape your knee or develop a hellacious blister, get help from one of the many roving paramedics and EMTs. We're told, they'll gladly dress your owie, so you can continue the fun and keep up the pace.

-- If an emergency requires you to leave the grounds, let a gate attendant know, and they will decide whether you receive a pass to get back into the fest.

-- If you're a member of the under-21 set, don't try to get booze with your fake IDs. And don't try to use the emergency excuse to slip out of the park to sip from the booze stash in your car. The Summerfest folks are on to you.

-- Establish specific rendezvous points inside and outside the Summerfest grounds. For example, telling your friends -- in case of accidental group separation -- to meet you at "the" beer tent in the Miller pavilion is not good enough. Why? Because there are at least five such tents in that area. Try using the exact intersection where you parked outside, and inside, maybe something as specific as a set of restrooms, a gate area, or at a one-location eatery. Take this seriously because when midnight rolls around, Summerfest groundskeepers will sweep you out of the gates.

-- Don't drink too much. Duh, right? But if you're prone to excess, carry a card in your pocket that lists the name of at least one friend you came with and that friend's cell phone number. This way, the red-shirts (security) can contact your friends and tell them where you're being taken: to detox or to a cab.

-- Visit the lost-and-found building just inside the Mid-Gate if you've misplaced something. Give it a few hours, or maybe even a day. Just because you realize one moment that you've lost your cell, it could be hours before it resurfaces from under a sea of discarded plastic beer cups and the wave of feet exiting the park. Know though that if you lose something on Sunday, you're not likely to get it back that day. What you'll need to do is contact the Milwaukee Police Department on Monday at (414) 933-4444 and ask for the Property Control Division.

RIDES -- We're not talking roller coasters and Ferris wheels. We mean your cars.

-- Take note of intersections and landmarks when you park. Also take note of the direction you walk to get to the grounds. Keep in mind that the Festival Park covers about 75 acres. And it's no fun at closing time to walk out of one gate only to realize you're on the opposite end of the park from where you entered.

-- If you plan to drink, make plans to have a designated driver. Or alert a security person who will gladly guide you to a cab.

CASH

There are 19 automated teller machines throughout the park. If you run low or out of cash, don't trip. Head to your nearest gate area. If you're trying to avoid a crowd, try the ATMs in the northeast corner of the Miller pavilion, near the bathrooms. We've been told the crowd there is sometimes a little thinner. Also, consider getting cash before you get into the park. There are ATMs just outside the Mid-Gate.

EATS & DRINKS -- There's plenty to eat and drink. But the most popular venues can often be so crowded they become a hassle. Here are a couple of places to dodge the crowds.

-- Visit the Ethnic Gardens on the north end of the park, across from the Piggly Wiggly Stage. There, you'll find dogs, burgers and brat houses.

-- And if you're trying to eat healthy, in the Piggly Wiggly Fresh Market Circle you'll find everything from vegetarian dishes to fresh fruits and deli-type items, to healthy foods served in small portions to accommodate children.

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