Chicago Sun-Times: Manning's mark no more than an inside joke

What Doppler was to radar, Peyton Manning is to quarterbacking. In this sublime campaign of an already stellar career, here are Manning's record-setting numbers: *Most touchdown passes in a season (49). *Most audibles on first down in a season (117).

*Most words spoken at line of scrimmage while pointing (12,029).

*Most TV commercials concurrently airing (4).

*Most younger brothers winless in first season as NFL quarterback (1).

As I watched the Colts' Manning on Sunday throw his record-tying 48th and record-breaking 49th touchdown passes to James Mungro and Brandon Stokley in Indianapolis, two things came to mind:

1. They were well-thrown balls.

2. They were balls well-thrown in a climate-controlled, environmentally pristine setting.

Playing in the RCA Dome is like living in Biosphere 2: You eliminate most of the outside-world deterrents, degenerates and distractions. And, indeed, Manning plays most of his games indoors. I hate to diminish Manning's wonderful season, but this is an area of expertise I've built my entire life around.

Quite simply, everything is easier indoors.

Have you ever tried running a two-minute drill from a one-horse open sleigh? Trust me, you'd rather have Michael Strahan nipping at your heels than Jack Frost nipping at your nose. So before we ship Manning straight to Canton, let's see him bundle up and play like his rough-and-tumble predecessors.

Sammy Baugh wasn't slinging it indoors. Otto Graham didn't go to 10 straight championship games indoors. Johnny Unitas didn't throw touchdown passes in 47 consecutive games indoors. Brett Favre hasn't started 204 straight games indoors.

(Note to Editors: If you need to fill space, please call me during normal business hours, and I will provide you with up to 25 additional [Blank] didn't [blank] indoors" items.)

(Relevant Personal Note: I was a pinball addict back in my heyday. In fact, the 1969 song by The Who, Pinball Wizard," was loosely based on me, I was Middle Atlantic Pinball Player of the Year in 1972 and Pinball Digest named me Pinball Sportsman of the Year" -- a national honor -- in 1978. But if you took that pinball machine and stuck it outside, in the dead of winter, I would've been as worthless as Ken Jennings at a tractor pull. Do you know how difficult it is to use flippers with gloves on? Or to judge pinball speed in the wind?)

(Final Timmy Chang Note Ever: In his college swan song, the all- time NCAA passing leader completed 31 of 46 passes for 405 yards in Hawaii's 59-40 Hawaii Bowl victory over UAB. It was bittersweet for Couch Slouch -- I've hyped the faceless phenom for three long years, yet never have received as much as a thank-you note. From here on in, he goes it alone.)

Anyway, in addition to playing in the Great Indoors, Manning has benefitted from passer-friendly officiating. In effect, a defensive back cannot touch a wide receiver these days without prior written consent of the National Football League or an extension of the Patriot Act.

Now, I don't want to pile on the league MVP here, but Manning also is one selfish sibling. How else do you explain him allowing Eli to forgo a career in San Diego, which is like playing indoors with a gentle breeze, to go to East Rutherford, N.J., which is like playing in an air duct with a gentle stench? I guess if I wanted to make sure I held all the family passing records, I'd send my little brother to Giants Stadium, too. The least he could do is buy the kid an EZ Pass.

Ask The Slouch

Q. First there were endless promos for the ESPN movie 3." Now, every other commercial break, we see Norman Chad doing a cameo for an upcoming ESPN poker drama, Tilt." Is this what the all-sports network has come to -- prime-time soap operas starring marginal talents? Where is a sports fan supposed to turn? (Tom King; Flower Mound, Texas)

A. Might I suggest Celebrity Blackjack" on the Game Show Network.

Q. In my friend's bowling league, twice this season his team has had perfect games bowled against them. I suggested that, in practice, they stress defense. What do you think? (Dave Doherty; Arlington, Va.)

A. You are a hoot and a holler -- and a buck twenty-five richer.

You, too, can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway. E- mail asktheslouch@aol.com, and if your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!