Telephony: My Chicago

Byline: Vince Vittore

Proving that there's more to sin in Chicago than just a history of illicit drinking, mob murders and political corruption, gambling has taken root in many areas of the greater metro area. But don't look for casinos within the city limits. You may run into a poker machine, oddly labeled "for entertainment purposes only" every once in while if you stumble into a corner bar in several neighborhoods, but for table games and slots where you actually have a shot at winning, hop in your car or get on a train and head for the 'burbs. Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley has some grand plans to bring a casino to Chicago and attach it to McCormick Place, but given the political kickbacks, back scratching and under-the-table payments required, don't plan on laying down a bet there until at least 2015.

There also is no Indian gaming in this area. Given that Chicago in its natural form is essentially a very cold swamp nine months out of the year, most Native American tribes had the sense to not set up camp here for too long. Illinois, like most states, requires that any casino operation be place on boats that are in "navigable" waterways. (This has led to politicians stretching the definition of "navigable.") Despite the limitations, legit gambling opportunities abound.

HORSE RACING

For playing the ponies, nothing beats Arlington Park. Sarbanes-Oxley requires that I disclose my unabashed bias for Arlington, having grown up just a shade over six furlongs from the crown jewel of Chicago thoroughbred racing. Rebuilt in 1985 after a "mysterious fire," which just happened to strike at 3 a.m. when no one was around, Arlington Park has hosted some of the greatest horses over the past 77 years including Spectacular Bid, Native Dancer, Citation, Cigar and the greatest of them all, Secretariat in his post-triple crown days. The track is now part of the Churchill Downs family and can't be beat for a nice relaxing day of screaming at the future ingredients of glue. It's also one of the few gambling locations you can get to by train (on the Metra Northwest line).

There's also Hawthorne Race Course, located in suburban Cicero, notorious as the home of a city government that makes New Orleans look like The Puritans. If you flew into Midway, it's only about 10 minutes north of the airport and you can get there by train and a quick scamper past the "escorts" along Cicero Avenue. However, the only action at the track at this time of the year is harness racing, which gets the heart pumping as much as placing a bet on race walking.

If you've got that hot tip on trifecta at Aquaduct and don't have time from a trek to the suburbs (Arlington and Hawthorne have simulcasts from all the major tracks), hit the off track betting joints. It's just like going to the track only dirtier and more depressing. There are two OTB sites downtown (233 W. Jackson and 177 N. State, the latter of which is conveniently located just two blocks from the Telephony office). Oh yes, this isn't California so smoking is allowed and, in fact, encouraged at the OTB. The State Street OTB occasionally will have a special on pork fritter sandwiches for a buck. Noticeably absent are the Automatic External Defibrillators now popping up in hotels and convention centers.

CASINOS

If you've got some time to kill, there are a few casinos within an hour's drive of McCormick Place. Inside, you'll find just about every game as in Vegas, save for Baccarat (too snooty and European). Texas Hold 'Em(or any poker) tables also have been slow to develop. The closest one geographically is Binions Horseshoe Casino in Hammond, Ind. The place advertises that it's only 15 minutes from downtown, but I'm betting that drive was made at 2 a.m. on a Sunday...in a Ferrari. Binions is one of the newer places around because Indiana just got around to figuring out that a great way to boost the state treasury is to give Illinois residents a place to dispose of their income. And any place that has Mike Ditka (in Chicago-speak: Da Coach of The Beloved) as its celebrity spokesman has to be high class.

Does crossing state lines give you hives? Try Hollywood Casino out in Aurora: Tell the boss you're visiting Tellabs or Lucent and "accidentally" find the boat. They charge $5 for admission to keep the riff-raff away but otherwise it's like any other casino.

The Hollywood Casino is located on the Fox River, which also floats the Grand Victoria Casino, Elgin. A little further out of the city - pretend you're going to O'Hare and keep driving west on I-90 for about 30 minutes until you see the signs. Not noticeably different than Hollywood except perhaps higher table minimums on the weekends.

SOME FINAL ADVICE

You will definitely pay way too much for a Cubs-Red Sox ticket (it's only 3 games out of 162, people) so save your money; we don't get much in the way of three-card Monty in this town; and if anyone asks about betting on Ditka, regardless of the event, take Da Coach and give the points.