Xbox Nation: Xtinction Agenda: No. 6: Zack

Crimes against humanity: Being too funky for a world so unfunky as this; criminal misuse of an island Appeared in: Dead or Alive, Dead or Alive 2, Dead or Alive 2: Hardcore, Dead or Alive 3, Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball, Dead or Alive Ultimate

When the original Dead or Alive hit arcades in 1997, few players even paid attention to Zack. He was merely a streetwise, self-taught Muay Thai fighter. He didn’t seem particularly flashy in the company of gals endowed with colossal polygonal breasts that bounced and swayed as if controlled by some unseen force. A quick glance at Zack’s bio revealed little to be concerned about: He’s a DJ who likes to relax with a game of billiards and a tasty ice cream cone. The only hint of his future problems: an alternate costume covering his body in skintight reflective foil.

Dead or Alive 2 quickly eroded that likable nice-guy image, however, imbuing Zack with a “frank and funky” personality plainly evidenced by his obnoxious new green hair, silly goatee, random piercings, an oddly bra-like half-tank-top outfit, and a gaggle of annoying voice samples. By Dead or Alive 3, his story line had taken a turn for the tawdry: His previous tournament winnings squandered, he fights this time to finance a massive gambling trip to Vegas. Meanwhile, oldster Gen Fu fights to buy medicine for his dying granddaughter.

Zack’s downward spiral into creepiness bottomed out in the softcore volleyball fest Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball. Here, Zack—incomprehensibly voiced by basketball star Dennis Rodman—invites the ladies of Dead or Alive to his exclusive island resort (delightfully named Zack Island), where he lavishes expensive gifts on them, watches as they play volleyball in skimpy bikinis, and then sees his island explode. Here’s hoping the shark that ate him didn’t get indigestion.