Electronic Gaming Monthly: Extra-Vehicular Activities

When you’re ready to take a break from San Andreas’ story, there are dozens of minigames to keep you busy. We critique 14 (but there are certainly more where these came from)....

Shooting Hoops

$ $ $ $ $

Don’t get too worked up, sporto—this is nothing close to a real-deal 5-on-5 b-ball game. It’s more like a one-man version of horse in which you release the ball at the top of your jump to score.

Getting the Girlies

$ $ $ $ $

Make the rounds and you’ll find six would-be girlfriends you can woo with romantic dinners or drive-bys. Dates get repetitive fast—even the ones that end in (insert squeaky mattress sound).

Grand Theft VCR

$ $ $ $ $

Steal a moving van and you can raid homes at night for hot merchandise. A noise meter tracks your racket—too many loud steps will rouse the armed-and-dangerous residents.

BMX Stuntmanship

$ $ $ $ $

Build up your bicycle skills and enter a freestyle course in downtown Los Santos. The simple wheelies and endos won’t give Mat Hoffman’s Pro BMX a run for its money, but it’s not bad for a minigame.

Two-Player Games

$ $ $ $ $

At certain spots around town (such as girlfriends’ homes), a second player can join for absurdly thrilling free-roaming killing sprees and vehicle rampages (one player drives while the other shoots).

Getting Schooled

$ $ $ $ $

Throughout the state you’ll find schools that specialize in different vehicles: boats, cars, planes, bikes, etc. Complete the Gran Turismo–style time trials for fun—and a boost to your skills, too!

Electronic Gangster Monthly

$ $ $ $ $

Rockstar has hidden old-school-style arcade games in bars throughout the state. You’ll find the first, The Crawler from Uranus, on the TV in your home. Find more in the bar around the corner.

Valet Parking

$ $ $ $ $

Why steal cars when suckers will hand you the keys? After you unlock the valet uniform, you can experience the soul-crushing thrills of demeaning menial labor at a San Fierro hotel any time you want.

Know When to Hold ’em

$ $ $ $ $

Las Venturas’ subdued casinos don’t ring with the ding-ding din of the real thing, but they still take your cash in sweet facsimiles of blackjack, video poker, roulette, and wheel of fortune.

Dance, Fool—Dance!

$ $ $ $ $

Take your dates clubbing, then jab joypad buttons in time with tunes to unlock the next song. It’s all right, but we prefer the similar minigame that has you pumping your lowrider hydraulics to music.

Capture the Moment

$ $ $ $ $

Grab the camera from your Los Santos home and snap pics of your gang flashing signs (or let them photograph you). Then snap 50 touristy pictures in scenic San Fierro for a special power-up.

Break a Sweat

$ $ $ $ $

Hit the treadmill, stationary bike, or weights in the gyms to burn that gut and wear out your fingers with tiresome button jabbing. Muscle builds quickly, though, and your buff bod is worth the effort.

Bet on the Ponies

$ $ $ $ $

You’ll find these parlors all over. Throw down some cash on the ludicrously named horses and then watch them race. A tip: Collecting all the horseshoes in Las Venturas improves your gambling luck.

Shoot Some Pool

$ $ $ $ $

Make your wager, then whack balls on a surprisingly realistic table. If you lose, beat the winner over the head with the cue and reclaim your cash. It even supports two players!